“The only power that exists is inside ourselves.”
- Anne Rice
My friend, Lisa, suffered a serious blow to her confidence not too long ago.
She’s a mother of four, and her world got turned upside down after her now ex-husband cheated on her (with someone half her age, no less).
“I always thought of myself as someone who was poised and cool as a cucumber,” she says, “but after what happened, it crushed every confident bone in my body.”
Lisa added, "It really messed with my head for the longest time. I felt ugly on the outside AND the inside… and the feeling ran DEEP."
“It wasn’t just about my looks, but also in terms of personality… and pretty much my overall worth as a human being.”
So, not only did Lisa have to deal with the sting of betrayal...
...but her self-esteem also took a deep nosedive.
But the good news is that after spending about a year and a half putting the pieces of her life back together, Lisa got her groove back.
“It wasn’t an easy road for sure, but I’m actually grateful I went through all of that,” she says.
Lisa realized that she had to rediscover her strengths and, more importantly, rebuild her self-confidence from the inside-out.
Today, she’s dating Matt, a fellow single parent that Lisa’s friends set her up with. She couldn’t be happier, and her kids absolutely adore Matt.
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The Benefits of Being Confident
While not everyone has gone through what Lisa did, we've all had experiences that have done a number on our self-confidence.
But the great thing about it is that we can all start building the foundations of rock-solid confidence at ANY age.
And it opens up a world of benefits, such as…
Now that we've covered the awesome perks of self-confidence, let’s get into HOW to cultivate this quality:
#1: Get Out Of Your Head
Getting stuck in the inner world of your thoughts is an insidious habit – and it’s the quickest way to tank your confidence.
And when you let that inner critic run rampant inside your head…
…it’s going to act like it OWNS the place.
So you have to take back your inner world by watching the quality of your thoughts.
You know what I’m talking about – it’s those little lies that your inner critic feeds you. And they usually fall under these main categories:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m such a bad person.”
These types of thoughts often surface when you mess up in some way - and you end up judging yourself harshly for it.
Furthermore, these ugly thoughts also come tumbling out when something terrible happens (like in Lisa’s case, for instance).
And what most women don’t realize is these two kinds of thoughts go hand in hand.
Once those feelings of inadequacy kick in (i.e., “I’m not good enough”) …
…then those “I’m a bad person” thoughts come in to finish the job.
The reason is that a lot of women have a moral attachment to their mistakes.
In their eyes, failing at some aspect of their lives (e.g., a work blunder or a failed relationship) means failing as a human being.
In other words, an underlying sense of SHAME keeps women trapped in a self-defeating mindset.
So the first step to breaking free from this mental trap is by harnessing the power of self-awareness - and, more importantly, acceptance.
And that brings us to our next point…
#2: Get Comfortable With The Uncomfortable
Now, that we’ve gotten to the root of a confidence-destroying mindset, its time to face those uncomfortable (and downright ugly) feelings head-on.
To do that, you need to ask yourself, “Where are these negative thoughts and emotions coming from?”
Spend some time to quietly reflect on these feelings. Then, write them down on a notebook.
Putting it down on paper makes those feelings less fuzzy and vague. Furthermore, it allows you to trace those feelings back to whatever caused them.
Again, this has to do with external circumstances and negative experiences – so this is where you should start digging.
(Now, there’s another process of “emotional digging” that I discovered which works WONDERS – and we’ll get to that soon…)
Once you’ve pinpointed the exact source of those dark emotions, you can start ACCEPTING them for what they are.
So this is about being aware of those feelings, observing them, and ultimately, making peace with them.
And the fantastic thing about this breakthrough is that it removes self-judgment from the equation.
Rumi, a prolific poet from the 13th century, described these negative thoughts as "temporary guests."
And more importantly, he tells us to accept these “guests” with honor and gratitude.
This is the key to lifting yourself – and your sense of confidence – from the depths of self-loathing and shame.
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#3: Build The Other Crucial Pillars of Self-Confidence
Ok, so aside from embracing those negative thoughts, you also need to upgrade the other areas of your personal growth.
After all, the more well-rounded you are, the easier it is to crush that inner voice of self-doubt.
Here’s how to get started:
#4: Train Your Brain
This, in my opinion, is the BIGGEST one.
By now, you’ve probably gathered that confidence is really about looking within.
And the best source of confidence comes from none other than your inner world. That’s why earlier, we covered the importance of “emotional digging.”
This gets to the root of a lot of things we take for granted - and that includes the inner depths of your subconscious mind.
You see, THIS is where those negative emotions and thoughts come from.
And while you need embrace this part of yourself…
…it’s ALSO important to fill your subconscious mind with the right BELIEFS.
These beliefs don’t just shape the world you live in – but also define your reality.
So, when you plant the seeds of confidence deep in your brain…
…it gives rise to an honest-to-goodness, dyed-in-the-wool kind of confidence.
That means you won’t get easily rattled by criticism, negative circumstances, or toxic people.
Did your co-worker get that promotion, and you didn't? No problem.
Do you have that one friend who stays slim without doing much (because they’ve got a “fast metabolism” or whatever)…
…but meanwhile, you're struggling to keep the pounds off and find the motivation to hit the gym?
Doesn’t matter.
What DOES matter is that you’re taking action and focused on your own growth – all without looking over your shoulder and comparing yourself to others.
THAT’S confidence – and everyone will see that.
And training your mind to withstand these external forces is easier than it seems.
In just minutes a day, anyone can flush out ALL traces of fear, self-doubt, and years of negative programming from their subconscious mind – click below to learn more
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“Never dull your shine for somebody else.”
- Tyra Banks
For years, Martin was happy being in a relatively cushy job at a tech company. He was in his mid-forties, single, and never thought of changing anything about his life.
As long as he got to put in his ‘9-5’, go home, relax, and do the things he enjoyed, then he was OK.
However, some part of him felt more and more dissatisfied as time went on.
The company began to pile on more and more work on the whole department, and his co-workers talked behind his back about him leaving work on time every day (among other things).
Before he knew it, Martin was overworked and burned out from his job. And it crept into his personal life as well.
He withdrew from his social circles, abandoned his hobbies, and ate a lot of junk food to cope with the stress.
“I ended up having to see a therapist to deal with what was happening to me,” Martin shared.
One of the things he realized during this time was that he was too meek - and suffered from a lack of confidence.
He didn’t have the confidence to stand up for himself at his old job…
…nor was he confident enough to find another job with a better work-life balance.
And Martin's lack of belief in himself kept him in his "comfort zone," which was eating away at his self-worth and happiness.
But after some spending some time on self-reflection and working on himself…
…he finally worked up the courage to give his boss and co-workers an honest piece of his mind, leave his toxic job, and find greener pastures.
After that, Martin moved to Finland, found another job with better hours and better work culture – and he couldn’t be happier.
Plus, he’s been dating Cara, an expat from Ireland whom he met during his first week.
“We were seated next to each other on a cramped tour bus. Maybe the close proximity helped, but I’d like to think my newfound confidence helped me win her over,” Martin says with a laugh.
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‘It’s like unlocking a hidden superpower that I had all along’: Why confidence matters
Indeed, Martin felt like some part of him had been sleeping for the longest time…
…and it took a few twists and turns in his life before he could finally awaken it.
After that, it changed his life for the better.
So without further ado, here’s how self-confidence can help you live a happier and more successful life:
Benefit #1: You’re not rattled by people’s opinions
According to a study from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, believing in yourself allows you to develop a natural buffer against other people’s perception of you.
Like many people, Martin used to attach his self-worth to what people thought of him. However, developing his confidence freed him from this mindset, and he was all the happier because of it.
Remember, it’s important to take constructive criticism on board, but we also need to filter out opinions that are deliberately hurtful or downright toxic.
Benefit #2: Confidence makes you aim for the stars
A study on competitiveness (from the Journal of Marketing) shows a strong connection between a person’s confidence and their ability to set better goals for him or herself.
This means that self-confidence is a great performance booster because this trait naturally drives people to aim higher and achieve more in life.
Benefit #3: It Makes You Mentally Tough
In 2007, The Journal of Applied Sport Psychology published a study that looked at mental toughness in elite English cricketers.
They found that players who were more confident also had more determination and grit compared to other players.
This means they could push through setbacks better and recovered from them much faster.
Benefit #4: Higher Confidence Means Better Stress Management
According to the book “The Ecology of Stress,” being more confident makes it easier for someone to deal with the daily stress of life.
A person who has a healthy sense of self-belief has a more optimistic perspective on stressful situations.
More importantly, they have the emotional resources to deal with whatever comes their way without blowing things out of proportion.
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How To Be More Confident
So what does this mean for you?
Well, the important takeaway here is you can cultivate these traits and be a more confident, assertive version of yourself.
Think of it as flexing a set of muscles you haven’t used before. And the more you exercise them, the stronger they get.
Here are some things you can do to get started today:
Take action in the face of the unknown: Martin used to be petrified by fear. He was too worried about the ‘what if’s, and he let it fuel his self-doubt.
However, the key to building confidence is walking the path - even if you don't see all of it. Being worried about taking that first step is a GOOD sign that you should take it.
You don’t have to know all the variables and factors involved before taking action. If you mess things up, it gives you a better idea of who you are, and what you’re truly capable of.
That opens the door to growth and better mental resilience; these are exactly what you need to move forward in life.
Psyche yourself up: Being confident also has a lot to do with your ability to visualize a successful outcome.
The world’s most successful people have the habit of mentally rehearsing before taking on a formidable challenge, like getting on stage to sing or give a speech, playing a crucial sports game, or having a difficult conversation.
This helps them ‘go through the motions’ and get a feel of what they need to do.
But more importantly, this also allows them to use their mind’s eye to envision their desired outcome AS IF it’s already happening.
However, the tricky thing is dealing with the inner voice of self-doubt, which is something we all struggle with at some point. This voice doesn’t just get in the way of visualizing success, but it’s also a nasty confidence-wrecker.
And that brings us to the next confidence-building tip…
Stay on top of your self-talk: Scientific studies show that the internal dialogue we have about ourselves is a huge self-esteem booster (which, of course, leads to higher self-confidence).
Research from the European Journal of Social Psychology shows that people enjoy a significant surge of confidence when they talk to themselves by using affirming statements that started with “you.”
In other words, hearing encouragement, praise, and advice is empowering, whether it comes from others OR yourself. As far as the mind is concerned, all of it is VALID and REAL.
The Power Of Unstoppable Self-Belief
So, that brings us to the most important point: confidence is mostly based on how you perceive yourself – and NOT how others see you.
Whether you think that you’re not good enough…
…or you’re an amazing person who deserves success and happiness…
…it will have a profound impact on your daily actions and decisions in life.
“Believe in yourself” isn’t just some fluffy platitude – research proves that people who see themselves in a positive light have different brains from others.
Brain scans show that those who engage in positive self-talk have WAY more activity in areas of the brain.
This includes different parts of the prefrontal cortex, which are responsible for processing information and decision-making – all these are crucial to having higher levels of self-confidence.
Fortunately, people who are struggling with low confidence can now reprogram their negative self-talk.
For instance, self-hypnosis is a quick and powerful way to remove unhealthy, self-sabotaging thought patterns.
Using powerful affirmations that are directly absorbed by the subconscious mind…
…you can cultivate empowering habits, beliefs, and mindsets…
…and have a confident person’s brain.
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“How you greet your morning is like a boomerang. It always comes back to you. Remember this.” ― Stan Jacobs
Dwayne Johnson, also known by his wrestling show name “The Rock”, is one of the most recognized and highest-paid entertainers in the world.
Even if you don’t follow his career or haven’t seen most of his movies, you KNOW who he is.
Chances are you’ve seen him in something over the last couple of decades.
His towering stature and chiseled physique make him instantly recognizable, and everything about him says “International Superstar.”
Acting, wrestling, producing – you name it, he’s done it all.
If he’s not in the latest summer blockbuster, he’s knee-deep in another project that’s raking in millions easy.
And he’s showing no signs of slowing down.
The man is a BEAST.
And one thing he’s also famous for is his notorious habit of getting up at 4 AM every morning. When I first learned about this, I thought to myself, “Is he crazy or what? I know getting up early is important, but that’s borderline masochistic.”
But considering Dwayne’s net worth and his incredible string of successful movies and other ventures…
…not to mention being number 25 on Forbes’ list of Top 100 Most Powerful Celebrities AND the highest-paid actor in 2016…
… clearly he knows something we don’t.
As soon as his alarm goes off, he doesn’t waste any time hitting the weights. Once he’s done with working out, he launches straight into planning mode while having a high-powered breakfast.
It’s during this time when he catches up on projects he’s working on, along with the others he’s got in the pipeline.
And it turns out that a lot of other successful people who’ve established themselves in their respective fields also have morning habits that have served them well.
So if you want to maximize your hustle, you’d better starting building a set of your own morning habits.
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Is it worth being an early bird?
In a word, YES.
Getting into the habit of waking up ahead of everyone is, in fact, one of the best things you could do for yourself.
More than that however, having a whole series of morning rituals is a solid building block on your path to success.
Productivity equals success – there’s no way around that.
And having a reliable routine in the morning sets the stage for everything else you’ll do later on.
In the book “Deep Work”, Cal Newport stresses the importance of building habits in your life.
He says that “you get better at a skill as you develop more myelin around the relevant neurons, allowing the corresponding circuit to fire more effortlessly and effectively. To be great at something is to be well myelinated.”
So the more your brain gets used to doing something repeatedly, the better you’ll be at producing consistently high results.
That’s why it’s important to set these foundations now, so that the rest of your day runs like clockwork.
Without further ado, let’s count down the Top Morning 10 habits To Flip Your Brain’s Productivity Switch:
#10: Let the day wash over you
Ok, so the first thing you need to know is that your morning routine should start off low-pressure, then gradually crank up the speed as you go along.
Unless you’re in the military, you don’t need to hit the ground running the moment you open your eyes.
One of the reasons Dwayne Johnson gets up so early is so he can beat the sun to it. That way, he has a couple of hours of quiet alone time while everyone else is sleeping.
Now, you don’t have to watch the sun rise, but if you can manage to do so, it’s a wonderful experience.
It sets the tone for everything else to come, and you can gradually build up your momentum from this point on.
Even if you can’t wake up that early, it’s still nice to spend at least 30 minutes (or longer) after getting out of bed to simply gather your wits and reflect on the day ahead.
Just remember that in the later part of the day, you’ll be faced with a million decisions to make. So use this brief opportunity to savor the start of a new day.
#9: Get your mind right
Tony Robbins, a well-known life coach and philanthropist, sets aside time for what he calls the “Hour of Power”. This is when he does breathing exercises, sets goals and gets into affirmations.
It’s important to get in the right headspace to take on your day. Thus, meditation and inner reflection gives you the mental leverage to tackle the most difficult tasks weighing heavily on your mind.
Jack Dorsey, the founder of Twitter, does this as well (along with exercising), which helps him clear his mind and get ready to handle the day ahead.
Getting started is as easy as sitting down with your eyes closed so you can focus on the rhythm of your breath. You’ll then enter a state of mindfulness, which is paying attention to the present moment and nothing else.
After that, you can start doing affirmations, which are basically statements of kindness and encouragement that you repeat to yourself. They bring attention to your positive qualities and strengths, as well as things you want to accomplish.
Here are a few examples:
By encouraging yourself, you’ll get used to the fact that you’re enough.
Everything you do and everything you are serves the exact purpose you were meant to fulfill today - and in the weeks to come.
#8: Plan Your Success!
Now that you’ve taken some time to get your bearings, you can move on to tackling your goals for the day.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed as the day goes by. So, the earlier you sort out and prioritize your to-do’s, the more you’ll feel on top of things.
Furthermore, it’s crucial you have an overall sense of purpose so you don’t stumble through the day without a clear idea of what to accomplish.
Get specific with what you want to do, and put a certain quantity and deadline along with it (e.g. run 2 miles by 8:00 AM).
Once you cross that off your list, you’ll have a greater sense of accomplishment. Then, you’re motivated to get even more done.
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#7: Do something you hate
Speaking of your to-do list, everyone has that ONE item that they don’t look forward to doing.
And it’s exactly why you should get it out of the way as soon as you can.
Look, willpower is a finite resource. So it makes sense to expend your energy on that unpleasant task while you’re still in a better position to do so.
Brian Tracy, a motivational coach, author and public speaker, calls this “eating the frog”.
He recommends you wolf down that slimy amphibian as early as possible. After that, everything else will seem like a cakewalk.
It won’t be fun, but your future self will thank you for gritting your teeth and powering through it.
#6: Get your endorphin fix
Barack Obama once said, “I'm trying to pare down decisions. I don't want to make decisions about what I'm eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make.”
It’s this kind of efficiency we should all strive for in the morning. As you learn to put some basic things on autopilot, you can better focus your energy on the big things instead.
And one of the things the former leader of the free world can’t do without is exercise. His regimen consists of both strength and cardio training, but you should do what works best for your lifestyle.
The important thing is that you put in the time to sweat it out every morning. This is part of kicking your mind and body into high gear, and leads to greater productivity during the day.
#5: Build your positivity muscles
Most people don’t realize that their state of mind is a matter of choice.
They do this unconsciously, whether they focus on the brighter side of things…
…or choose to assume the worst in everyone and everything around them.
So, your mornings are an excellent time for you to practice a little self-awareness.
Be honest and ask yourself, “Do I have a ton of complaints running in my head as I get ready for my day?”
If you’re learning towards “Um, yeah”, then this is your chance to reverse that mindset and replace it with GRATITUDE.
Find the time to really think about the things you often take for granted, no matter how small they are.
It could be the fact that you have hot running water in the dead of winter, a hearty breakfast to look forward to…
…a partner who loves you, having high-speed internet, wearing your favorite pair of sneakers…
…or being able to get out of bed and walk upright.
This attitude sends the right energy to the Universe, which then finds its way back to you.
And when you turn this into a lifelong mental habit, it’ll keep you strong even when things suck. You can list them down on paper every day, or you can do it mentally as you’re meditating.
#4: Set it up the night before
Ok, so technically this isn’t a morning habit. But your mornings will run more efficiently if you put in a little prep time before hitting the sack.
For example, you can pick out your work and exercise clothes, clean up your desk, declutter your room, and so on. There’s something about resetting your work and living space that sets the right tone for the day.
But if you pulled an all-nighter (which is hopefully not too often), try to do it early in the day the following morning instead. Besides, your brain shouldn’t be swarming with crucial decisions at this time of the day.
So, use this time to think about what you need to do while doing the dishes, sweeping the floor or taking out the trash.
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#3: Reconnect with your “why”
In one of the most iconic speeches in recent history, Steve Jobs shared the one thing he always did in the morning.
He told the 2005 graduates of Stanford University, “…for the past 33 years I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today?’”
This kind of question might sound scary at first, but it crystalizes your life’s mission.
It’s a daily reminder to make the most of the time you have on earth.
In the greater scheme of things, it’s pointless to hold on to petty grudges, get caught up in selfish agendas or let the fear of trying hold you back.
So if you don’t have a mission-vision yet, you’d better get on that ASAP.
Get to the core essence of what you want to do in life, whether it’s sending your kids to college, finding the cure to cancer, or opening your own coffee shop.
Then use your early waking hours to reacquaint yourself with your ultimate goals. Read that mission statement to yourself in the morning, or make it part of your mantra during your reflection time.
#2: Eat Breakfast
Your body needs fuel to run, simple as that. You can’t expect to operate at full mental and physical capacity if you’re running on fumes.
For one thing, having enough food to burn in the morning helps stabilize your blood sugar levels.
If you skip breakfast, it’ll make you hungrier and cause you eat more than usual. This forces your body to produce more insulin than normal to handle fluctuations in your blood sugar.
Eventually, this could develop into diabetes – and that’s going seriously hamper your productivity.
Plus, there are other risks involved, like weight gain, heart disease, elevated cholesterol levels and higher blood pressure.
In other words, you can’t afford to gloss over your first meal of the day if you want to keep playing the success game.
Of course, that also means your breakfast needs to be healthy and well-balanced.
Going for that sugar-laden, fat-filled muffin might not be the best choice. Instead, go for something more sensible, like protein-rich food and a good serving of whole grains while you’re at it.
Cereals, yogurt and juice are ok, but proceed with caution. Your typical grocery aisle is filled with brands that are loaded with sugar and other processed ingredients that do more harm than good.
Do some research and pick the ones that won’t send your sugar levels through the roof.
#1: Get enough sleep, wake up early
Like breakfast, having a decent amount of shut-eye is essential. The National Sleep Foundation says adults need anywhere between 6-9 hours to recharge at night.
Skipping on this one also poses a bunch of health risks, like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity…
...not to mention lowered cognitive abilities, bad memory and shortened life expectancy.
Here are a few tips for better sleep:
It’s in your best interest to get this squared away so you can keep being awesome at what you do.
Remember, success isn’t an accident. It’s a deliberate set of choices that you make every day.
Those daily decisions aren’t always hip, cool or easy...
...BUT they make you more CONFIDENT in your ability to get things done.
And the greater your self-belief is, the more SUCCESS you enjoy.
Aside from these daily habits, here’s a quick but powerful way to create an authentic kind of confidence:
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